Communicating…
What signals am I receiving and sending?
I caught myself doing something the other day that got me wondering: How do I receive others’ communications? How well do I receive communications? Graciously or clumsily? Quickly, or am I a bit slow on the uptake? And am I actually and consciously receiving all communication sent my way? How much of it falls beneath my “radar,” being dismissed as unimportant, irrelevant, uninteresting, or unintelligible even before my conscious mind has logged it in?
And, oh, by the way: how mindful am I of the signals and communication I am sending to others?
What started all this is that someone gave me a compliment.
When someone gives you a compliment, notice your first mental reaction. Is it, as in my case, a dismissal along the lines of: “oh no, this old thing/practice/achievement?” Embarrassment? Or a manifestation of an internal belief of: “…I can do/be/have/ better,” a phenomenon I attribute to my rather stern internal critic. Too often, I think the compliment must be insincere and sometimes even say as much. I’ve certainly heard myself saying, “Uh, oh, no, no! This old [painting/dress/whatever] is nothing special!” Consider how dismissive this is. Such a response actually invalidates the communication and its source.
I am trying to learn to just say “Thank you.”
On the other hand, what if someone directs a rather snarky remark my way, one that is either an outright put down, insult, or may easily be taken as one? I am practicing just smiling through it silently, not rising to the bait. If I suspect the remark has some validity (a kernel or a bushel) and needs to be considered and processed, I’ll do it later once I’m removed from the incident.
Why? Why think about this at all? Because I am mindful of the wisdom that it is not just our intelligence but our own body that is being impacted by the responses in such situations, whether negative or positive. Your/my reactions — anger, fear, pleasure, amusement, surprise, shock, or anxiety — effects both the state of mind and body. It’s been said before, and I’ll paraphrase it here: we cannot control others, only our own reactions to them.
Further, I try to remember: It is not just human interactions that we encounter and with which we engage. Or ignore. It is also the communications surrounding us and being received from non-human sources. We receive such from our pets, from the sunshine on our skin, plants we interact with — as well as from second-hand smoke, the traffic outside my door, or the bass beat tones that come thumping-thudding from the car next to me at a stoplight. Communication signals all – whether with a clear intention or not.
When I am in the natural world – at the ocean, gardening, or walking through a forest – I come away feeling recharged, serene, fulfilled, and receptive. I receive many communications from the ever-changing, busy natural world, and from these varied interactions, my soul has been nourished.
This moves me to wonder: what messages and impressions have I communicated, left behind in the wake created as I move through the world — with a friend, a colleague, my cat, or a tree I admired in the forest? I hope they are mostly nourishing.